Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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