Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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