We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
