Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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