I murdered the dance floor call the cops
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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