STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
