Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
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Semen is not good for contacts.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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