Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
