You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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