Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Drake has all the answers
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
