awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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