Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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