They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
