I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
