i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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