at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
