Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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