I could have mohawked her pubes.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
