He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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