I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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