From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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