Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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