I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
