I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
