he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
