he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
