hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Randomize
