And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
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The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
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He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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