but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
