Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
