My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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