whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
