Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
