If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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