If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
