I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
