its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
