WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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