Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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