So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
