Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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