Moan for me like Helen Keller
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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