So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
