I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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