Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
