They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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