Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
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I need you to use more vowels.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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