i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
