I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's shark week go big or go home
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
