ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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