If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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