I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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