I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
