Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Rumble strips road head = magical
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
