I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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