I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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