Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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