Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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