Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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