3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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