so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Randomize
