this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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