I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
