I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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