Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
