It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Non-Jews are for practice
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
