so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
