i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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