I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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