I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
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I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
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Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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