Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
