i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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