then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
