So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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