Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
