We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
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Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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